Melancholy

As I sat here today, with a million things going through my mind and wondering about the what if's, when I should be thinking about the what is, it is making my anxiety run 90 to nothing. Sometimes the what is though worries you, making you think about the what if's. I have been told in my past that when I speak, I make no sense but within myself I make all kinds of sense. Can I help it if I make more sense when I write then when I talk. That is probably because when I talk I don't have the confidence that I have when sitting here typing on the computer or when I have a notebook and a pen in hand. Well, with that out of my system I will write now.

We are in the midst of watching Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood. I love that movie and have seen it several times. Josh came up this evening instead of this afternoon. Since I fixed boneless pork ribs, baked beans and corn on the cob he didn't come up. He doesn't like ribs. He's not my child because I frigging love ribs. I cut up hot dogs into the left over baked beans and he ate beanie weenies, bbq potato chips and a cherry coke and was in 7th heaven. Terry bought some Blue Bunny Sweet Freedoms chocolate ice cream. It is sugar free and reminds me of those chocolate malts from the freezer section with the little wooden spoons. I love it and will probably keep getting that kind of ice cream.

Worked some more on the afghan today, went outside and walked a little and figured out my telephone (not while I was walking). One thing about it, your children keep you young and on top of things, if it is music, technology or what's happening in their world. Both boys are really good about that but of course with my job too. It's a crazy world out there but if you try to keep up with it half way, it's not quite as crazy.

I am really glad that I have worked at my job as long as I have but sometimes I wish I would have gotten into a profession that isn't into the social work field. Horticulture, computer technology, or even something into the arts field. Have thought about after I retire to get into Horticulture Therapy. Another thing that I would love to do is crazier than crazy can be. I would like to buy an old general store. You know, like the ones that are in old dying towns, with the plate glass windows on both sides. I would like to make it a store that only has American Made products in it, nothing else. And if you don't have it I can order it for the customer. Have plants and a year long nursery too. Books and magazines with a place to sit in overstuffed chairs and drink special coffee's that are fresh brewed. Might not make alot of money but I think it would be fun. Oh well. Dreams are what keeps us alive.

Going to sign off. Gran Torino is almost over. He just did his confession and getting ready to go out and whoop some "zipper head's" arse.